Got jokes? Post 'em here



Author Topic: Got jokes? Post 'em here  (Read 68398 times - 2 votes) 
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Offline Yng@hrt

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Re: Got jokes? Post 'em here
« Reply #1100 on: February 18, 2019, 05:36:43 PM »
^^^I will sit in the corner & write 10,000 lines; "I will not make fun of Hoosier Daddy".
Can I have a personal item? Even a lock of hair will do.  ;)
You can do what Gary Cooper did in; The Westerner.
  • New Mexico
Benji's;
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Dan's;
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Daisy's;
Most notable- 2-Model 21's, 882 w/factory Williams, 2-Golden Boys & 4 Golden Spikes, Christmas Dream 20,25,30,35, Model 1894's; RME, Win, Spittin Image, Limited Edition, 2-BBS, 2-NRA, Wells Fargo, Sealed Box 1894, 880's; 20th Anniv, Silver Anniv, Eldorado, & '71 model. Red Ryder signed by David Sanders, & 2 Pony Express.
Crosman;
'49 101
Favorite everyday backyard plinker '71 880. Easy to pump & the sweetest modified trigger.

Offline maraudinglizard

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Re: Got jokes? Post 'em here
« Reply #1101 on: February 19, 2019, 01:14:41 PM »
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Offline Geo Schoonmaker

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Re: Got jokes? Post 'em here
« Reply #1102 on: February 20, 2019, 02:23:04 PM »
From the Beeman/Marksman website:



Gave me a chuckle  ;D
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Offline oldnamvet

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Re: Got jokes? Post 'em here
« Reply #1103 on: February 20, 2019, 02:30:18 PM »
 ??? ??? ??? ??? That rear sight is ---um---unconventional?
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Offline Habanero69er

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Re: Got jokes? Post 'em here
« Reply #1104 on: February 20, 2019, 02:35:38 PM »
??? ??? ??? ??? That rear sight is ---um---unconventional?

LOL. Bassackwards!  😜
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Offline Hoosier Daddy

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Re: Got jokes? Post 'em here
« Reply #1105 on: February 20, 2019, 09:32:44 PM »
WHA.... Fire that guy NOW!
 ::)
Pistols
Crosman: PC77, 1740, 1701P
Benjiman H9A

Rifles
Air Arms: S400-SL Carbine FAC
Beeman: RS2 Silver Kodiak,
Benjamin: 312, 342, 392P, 392PA, Maximus
Crosman: Genesis NP .22, Quest 1000X, Raven, 2nd & 3rd var 160's
Feinwerkbau: FWB 300S
Gamo: Recon
SAG: AR2078-B, QB58
Sheridan: C Blue Streak, C9 Blue Streak, Model F Co2
Weihrauch: HW98
Xisico: XS60C .22, Sentry 702-3 .22

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Offline Bob H.

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Re: Got jokes? Post 'em here
« Reply #1106 on: February 21, 2019, 07:14:12 AM »

WHA.... Fire that guy NOW!
 ::)
[/quote]

Can't fire her, she has an MBA and is the Boss's granddaughter.

BobH.
  • central Illinois

Offline Tater

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Re: Got jokes? Post 'em here
« Reply #1107 on: February 26, 2019, 02:33:05 PM »
Where to retire?


You can retire to Phoenix , Arizona where ...

1. You are willing to park three blocks away from your house because you found shade.

2. You've experienced condensation on your rear-end from the hot water in the toilet bowl.

3. You can drive for four hours in one direction and never leave town

4. You have over 100 recipes for Mexican food.

5. You know that "dry heat" is comparable to what hits you in the face when you open your oven door at 500 degrees.

6. The four seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING ME??



OR You can retire to California where .



1. You make over $450,000 and you still can't afford to buy a house.

2. The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway.

3. You know how to eat an artichoke.

4. When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how long it will take to get there rather than how many miles away it is.

5. The four seasons are: Fire, Flood, Mud and Drought.



OR You can retire to New York City where..



1 You say, "the city" and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan .

2. You can get into a 4 hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park, but can't find Wisconsin on a map.

3. You think Central Park is "nature."

4. You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multilingual.

5. You've worn out a car horn. (IF you have a car.)

6. You think eye contact is an act of aggression.



OR You can retire to Minnesota where ...



1. You only have three spices: salt, pepper and ketchup.

2. Halloween costumes must fit over parkas.

3. You have seventeen recipes for casserole

4. Sex lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons.

5. The four seasons are: almost winter, winter, still winter, and road repair.

6. The highest level of criticism is "He is different,”” She is different," or "It was different!"



OR You can retire to The Deep South where...



1. You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store.

2 "Y'all" is singular and "all y'all" is plural.

3. "He needed killin" is a valid defense.

4. Everyone has two first names: Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob, Joe Bob, Betty Jean, Mary Beth, etc.

5. Everything is either: "in yonder," "over yonder" or "out yonder.”

6. You can say anything about anyone, as long as you say, "Bless his heart” at the end!



OR You can move to Colorado where...



1. You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car.

2. You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home, so he stops at the day care center.

3. A pass does not involve a football or dating.

4. The top of your head is bald, but you still have a pony tail.



OR You can retire to Nebraska or Kansas where...



1. You've never met any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name.

2. Your idea of a traffic jam is three cars waiting to pass a tractor.

3. You have had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" on the same day

4. You end sentences with a preposition; "Where's my coat at?"



OR FINALLY, you can retire to Florida where...



1. You eat dinner at 3:15 in the afternoon.

2. All purchases include a coupon of some kind - even houses and cars.

3. Everyone can recommend an excellent cardiologist, dermatologist, proctologist, podiatrist, or orthopedist.

4. Road construction never ends anywhere in the state.

5. Cars in front of you often appear to be driven by headless people.
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.22 Disco/Maximus mix, Rocker1 ldc
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1377, steel breech, TKO, 12" barrel, R. Arms Innovations AR stock
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Offline Jeff aka Privateer

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Re: Got jokes? Post 'em here
« Reply #1108 on: February 26, 2019, 02:57:52 PM »
Halfway between New York City and Washington, D.C., the train’s engine fell silent.

“I’ve got good news and bad news,” the conductor announced. “The bad news is we lost power.”

My fellow passengers groaned.

“The good news,” he added, “is we weren’t cruising at 30,000 feet.”
  • Nevada, Ohio
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And where the heck are the Cookies I was promised!!!

Offline PaulT58

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Re: Got jokes? Post 'em here
« Reply #1109 on: February 28, 2019, 06:17:17 PM »
Kinda late to this party (56 pages in), so hopefully this isn't a repeat...

Seen on a T-Shirt:  "A Vegetarian asked me what I felt when I shoot an animal?  I told him:  Recoil!"
  • Navarre, FL
AIRGUNS:
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Evanix Air Speed .22
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Hatsan Torpedo 100X .25
Hatsan BullBoss .22
Hatsan AT44S-10 .177 (Short) & .22 (Long)
Nova-Vista Liberty .177
Sam Yang Sumatra 2500 .25
SPA PR900W (Varmint) .22

What's Next? FX Dreamline .25 Classic

FOR SALE:
Hatsan BullBoss .22 (50 FPE) Includes a Fill Probe, 2 magazines, DonnyFL ˝-20 UNF adapter and degassing tool.  $350.00 Shipped

Offline Hoosier Daddy

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Re: Got jokes? Post 'em here
« Reply #1110 on: February 28, 2019, 06:29:06 PM »
What's the WORST thing about twenty six year olds?

There is 20 of 'em.

It's like herding cats I tell ya.
Pistols
Crosman: PC77, 1740, 1701P
Benjiman H9A

Rifles
Air Arms: S400-SL Carbine FAC
Beeman: RS2 Silver Kodiak,
Benjamin: 312, 342, 392P, 392PA, Maximus
Crosman: Genesis NP .22, Quest 1000X, Raven, 2nd & 3rd var 160's
Feinwerkbau: FWB 300S
Gamo: Recon
SAG: AR2078-B, QB58
Sheridan: C Blue Streak, C9 Blue Streak, Model F Co2
Weihrauch: HW98
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Offline Hoosier Daddy

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Re: Got jokes? Post 'em here
« Reply #1111 on: February 28, 2019, 06:34:55 PM »
Stole from Rodney Dangerfield

"My Ex wife got around.... let me tell ya.
I bought a used car and a pair of her panties were in the glovebox"
Pistols
Crosman: PC77, 1740, 1701P
Benjiman H9A

Rifles
Air Arms: S400-SL Carbine FAC
Beeman: RS2 Silver Kodiak,
Benjamin: 312, 342, 392P, 392PA, Maximus
Crosman: Genesis NP .22, Quest 1000X, Raven, 2nd & 3rd var 160's
Feinwerkbau: FWB 300S
Gamo: Recon
SAG: AR2078-B, QB58
Sheridan: C Blue Streak, C9 Blue Streak, Model F Co2
Weihrauch: HW98
Xisico: XS60C .22, Sentry 702-3 .22

Proud Member of F.U.G.L.Y.

Offline avator

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Re: Got jokes? Post 'em here
« Reply #1112 on: February 28, 2019, 06:46:31 PM »
No respect.
  • From deep within the Rabbit Hole, Alabama
Favorite Everyday Shooters:
Sam Yang Sumatra 2500 carbine .25
Urban .22
AirMax Varmint w/ .22 CP-2 long barrel
AirMax Plinkster .177
CP1 .177 Mini Carbine
CP2 w/ .177 Varmint long barrel
XS-60C GenI .22
2-22XX Carbine HPA .177
2240 Stubby .22
Blaze NP .177
3-M/M Daisy 881
2-Mendoza RM377 .177
2-XS-12 .177
1-Hatsan 1000x .177 Carbine (Pvt. Stryker)
Various Others

AirMax Extreme MKII 4500 (for the tanks)
Vevor Basic. (for the road)
Vintage - too many to list

Offline GumpIsrael

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Re: Got jokes? Post 'em here
« Reply #1113 on: February 28, 2019, 08:10:18 PM »
No respect at all.
  • Austin, Texas
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Mine
HW30S .177
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Offline avator

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Re: Got jokes? Post 'em here
« Reply #1114 on: March 01, 2019, 07:26:04 AM »
Told the Doc I wasn't feeling well. He told me to walk 5 miles a day and call him in a week. When I called, he asked how I felt. I told him I felt the same, I'm 35 miles from home and not sure how I'll get home.
  • From deep within the Rabbit Hole, Alabama
Favorite Everyday Shooters:
Sam Yang Sumatra 2500 carbine .25
Urban .22
AirMax Varmint w/ .22 CP-2 long barrel
AirMax Plinkster .177
CP1 .177 Mini Carbine
CP2 w/ .177 Varmint long barrel
XS-60C GenI .22
2-22XX Carbine HPA .177
2240 Stubby .22
Blaze NP .177
3-M/M Daisy 881
2-Mendoza RM377 .177
2-XS-12 .177
1-Hatsan 1000x .177 Carbine (Pvt. Stryker)
Various Others

AirMax Extreme MKII 4500 (for the tanks)
Vevor Basic. (for the road)
Vintage - too many to list

Offline Tater

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Re: Got jokes? Post 'em here
« Reply #1115 on: March 01, 2019, 07:33:50 AM »
Told the Doc I wasn't feeling well. He told me to walk 5 miles a day and call him in a week. When I called, he asked how I felt. I told him I felt the same, I'm 35 miles from home and not sure how I'll get home.

         

  • NW suburbs of Chicago
If you haven't marked your turf yet (GTA member map), please do. No registration, just enter zip code and board name.
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Hammerli Pneuma Elite 10 .177, DonnyFL Sumo ldc
.22 Disco/Maximus mix, Rocker1 ldc
Gamo Hornet .177
1377, steel breech, TKO, 12" barrel, R. Arms Innovations AR stock
P17 - (my wife's)
2240 - Won it at Matt's (Shaky Sarge) fun shoot

Offline Gear_Junkie

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"Cause you're ugly."
« Reply #1116 on: March 05, 2019, 12:34:09 PM »
A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected: a half-gallon of 2% milk, a carton of eggs, a quart of orange juice, a head of romaine lettuce, a 2 lb. can of coffee,and a 1 lb. package of bacon.

As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of the cashier.

While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly stated, "You must be single."

The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since she was indeed single. She looked at her six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about her selections that could have tipped off the drunk to her marital status.

Curiosity getting the better of her, she said, "Well, you know what, you're absolutely correct. But how on earth did you know that?"

The drunk replied, "Cause you're ugly."

That was one of the funniest jokes I've heard in years!!!  It also busted my son up when I told him.
  • Nevada City, CA
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Offline Bicycleman

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Re: Got jokes? Post 'em here
« Reply #1117 on: March 13, 2019, 04:43:51 PM »
 So I'm at Walmart buying a bag of dog food for my dog.  While in the check-out line, a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.  Why else would I be buying dog food, RIGHT???  So on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Dog Food Diet again, and that I probably shouldn't because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in intensive care with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.  I told her that it was essentially a Perfect Diet and all you do is load your pockets with food Nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry.  The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again.  (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was not enthralled with my story.)  Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me.  I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff a poodle's butt and a car hit me.  I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard!!
Disclaimer:  DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME!!  (Your wife would probably hit you with the frying pan, and you would wind up in intensive care with tubes . . . .)
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Offline Steelontarget

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Re: Got jokes? Post 'em here
« Reply #1118 on: March 13, 2019, 05:16:14 PM »
So I'm at Walmart buying a bag of dog food for my dog.  While in the check-out line, a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.  Why else would I be buying dog food, RIGHT???  So on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Dog Food Diet again, and that I probably shouldn't because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in intensive care with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.  I told her that it was essentially a Perfect Diet and all you do is load your pockets with food Nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry.  The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again.  (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was not enthralled with my story.)  Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me.  I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff a poodle's butt and a car hit me.  I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard!!
Disclaimer:  DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME!!  (Your wife would probably hit you with the frying pan, and you would wind up in intensive care with tubes . . . .)
That would have made a great YouTube video.  Can you do that again with a straight face?
  • Ohio
Crosman 2300KT
Crosman 2400KT
Beeman R1
Beeman R9
Beeman R7
Weihrauch HW30S Deluxe
Weihrauch HW95 Luxus
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Offline Hoosier Daddy

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Re: Got jokes? Post 'em here
« Reply #1119 on: March 13, 2019, 05:21:36 PM »
"Here's your sign"

 ;D ;) ;D
Pistols
Crosman: PC77, 1740, 1701P
Benjiman H9A

Rifles
Air Arms: S400-SL Carbine FAC
Beeman: RS2 Silver Kodiak,
Benjamin: 312, 342, 392P, 392PA, Maximus
Crosman: Genesis NP .22, Quest 1000X, Raven, 2nd & 3rd var 160's
Feinwerkbau: FWB 300S
Gamo: Recon
SAG: AR2078-B, QB58
Sheridan: C Blue Streak, C9 Blue Streak, Model F Co2
Weihrauch: HW98
Xisico: XS60C .22, Sentry 702-3 .22

Proud Member of F.U.G.L.Y.

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