Not exactly a list you want to be on, ...

[North Pack]

Number One Idiot

I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the poison control center.

Today, this woman called in very upset because she caught her little daughter eating ants.

I quickly reassured her that the ants are not harmful and there would be no need to bring her daughter into the hospital.

She calmed down and at the end of the conversation happened to mention that she gave her daughter some ant poison to eat in order to kill the ants.

I told her that she better bring her daughter into the emergency room right away.

Here's your sign, lady.  Wear it with pride.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Number Two Idiot

Early this year, some Boeing employees on the airfield decided to steal a life raft from one of the 747s.

They were successful in getting it out of the plane and home.

Shortly after they took it for a float on the river, they noticed a Coast Guard helicopter coming toward them.

It turned out that the chopper was homing in on the emergency locator beacon that activated when the raft was inflated.

They are no longer employed at Boeing.

Here's your sign, guys.  Don't get it wet; the paint might run.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Number Three Idiot

A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into the Branch and wrote this, �Put all your muny in this bag.�

While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call the police before he reached the teller's window.

So he left the Bank of America and crossed the street to the Wells Fargo Bank.

After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells Fargo teller.

She read it and, surmising from his spelling errors that he wasn't the brightest light in the harbor, told him that she could not accept his stickup note because it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip and that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back to Bank of America.

Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, �OK� and left.

He was arrested a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at Bank of America.

Don't bother with this guy's sign.  He probably couldn't read it anyway.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Number Four Idiot

A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated speed trap that measured his speed using radar and photographed his car.

He later received in the mail a ticket for $40 and a photo of his car.

Instead of payment, he sent the police department a photograph of $40.

Several days later, he received a letter from the police that contained another picture, this time of handcuffs.

He immediately mailed in his $40.

Wise guy ... But you still get a sign.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Number Five Idiot

A guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded all of the cash from the cash drawer.

After the cashier put the cash in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of Scotch that he wanted behind the counter on the shelf.  He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but the cashier refused and said, �Because I don't believe you are over 21.�

The robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to him because she didn't believe him.

At this point, the robber took his driver's license out of his wallet and gave it to the clerk.


The clerk looked it over and agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and she put the Scotch in the bag.

The robber then ran from the store with his loot.

The cashier promptly called the police and gave the name and address of the robber that he got off the license.

They arrested the robber two hours later.

This guy definitely needs a sign.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Idiot Number Six

A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously waving revolvers.


The first one shouted, �Nobody move!�

When his partner moved, the startled first bandit shot him.

This guy doesn't even deserve a sign.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Idiot Number Seven

Arkansas: Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly.

He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run.

So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window.  The cinder block bounced back knocking him unconscious.

It seems the liquor store window was made of Plexi-Glass.

The whole event was caught on videotape.

Yep, here's your sign.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Idiot Number Eight

I live in a semi-rural area.

We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the Deer Crossing sign on our road.

The reason:  Too many deer are being hit by cars out here!  I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore.


Take the sign - Please!

[woogie_man]

Those made my day..... been a crappy day..


So thanks!   Really needed that.

[JonnyReb]

Haha the guy tried to throw a cement block through the window but it was plexiglass, bounced back and knocked him unconscious whoo-eee   thats funny. Rarely do i ever truly *laugh out loud* from something online but you got me with that one lol, thanks for sharing.. J

[Bentong]

 A young Arab asks his father...
     
     
        What is this head piece that we are wearing?
        It's a "chechia". In the desert it protects our heads from the sun.

        And what is this type of clothing that we are wearing?
        It's a "djbellah" because in the desert it is very hot and it protects your body.

        And what are these strange shoes that we have on our feet?
        These are "babouches", which keep us from burning our feet when in the desert.

       Tell me, papa...
        Yes, my son?














        Why the h3ll are we living in New York and still wearing all this $hit?!?

[oldpink]

Actually made me do some genuine out loud laughing with these.
There's a very good reason that the term "dumb crook" is redundant.
Bill Engvall himself would definitely proudly hang the sign around the lot of these fools.

[mac56]

Absolutely great Bentong and oh so true.........   Mike

[jonnnyboy]

Thanks John, I enjoyed the laugh.  It's amazing that some apparently are able to get through life without thinking!  (I apologize if I offended anyone, LOL.)

joe

[amb5500c]

Sitting in a New York bar, a Scotsman says: "As good as this bar is, I still prefer the pubs back home. In Glasgow, there's a wee place called McTavish's. The landlord goes out of his way for the locals. When you buy four drinks, he'll buy the fifth drink."

"Well, Angus" said an Englishman, "At my local tavern in London, the Red Lion, the barman will buy you your third drink after you buy the first two."


"Ahhh, dat's nuttin'," said an Irishman, "Back home in my favorite pub, the moment you set foot in the place, they'll buy you a drink, then another, all the drinks you like, actually. Then, when you've had enough drinks they'll take you upstairs and see that you get laid. And this is all on the house!"


The Englishman and Scotsman were suspicious of the claims. The Irishman swore that every word was true. "Did this actually happen to you?" Not me self, personally, no." admitted the Irishman. "But it did happen to me sister quite a few times."

[North Pack]

That's good amb, I mailed that to a few folks, and I'm Irish. ...

[RedFeather]

The photocopy bit actually took place in the UK.

My personal fav's (all true) -
 
Two guys in NC (?) decided to rip out an ATM to which they affixed a tow chain, secured to their truck's front bumper.  When they backed up, the bumper ripped off, so they fled, leaving it, along with their license plate.

Bank robber in DC - Places a stocking over his head and wears a T-shirt for a local baseball team with his face and first name on it.  (No lie.)  Might be related to the other robber who dropped his wallet while fleeing the scene.

Best of all - Man robs bank, stuffing wads of cash down his pants.  About a block away, one with an exploding red dye packet goes off.  He tries to sue the bank for personal disfigurement.

And, if you don't believe crime doesn't pay, ask this fellow:

January 17, 2008

KOKOMO, Ind. (AP) — A man accidentally shot himself in the groin as he was robbing a convenience store Tuesday, police said.

A clerk told police a man carrying a semiautomatic handgun entered the Village Pantry demanding cash and a pack of cigarettes. The clerk put the cash in a bag and as she turned to get the cigarettes, she heard the gun discharge.

Police say surveillance video shows the man shooting himself as he placed the gun in the waistband of his pants. The clerk wasn't injured.

A short time later, police found 25-year-old Derrick Kosch at a home with a gunshot wound to his right testicle and lower left leg.

Kosch was released from the hospital Tuesday and booked into the Howard County jail on a charge of armed robbery, criminal recklessness and battery. He is being held on a $100,000 cash bail. A jail official did not know if he had retained an attorney

[airiscool]

Was discussing similar stuff with a young guy who worked for me.

He observed that,... "Everytime they try to make something 'idiot proof', someone goes and invents a 'better idiot' ."

Saddly, it seems he's correct about the increased level of idiots out there !!!!!

Paul

[North Pack]

True story,- back in the 70's only a few blocks from where I lived at the time, was a corner Ma & Pa store. One Saturday night a little before closing time this guy comes in wearing nothing except a dirty old "T" shirt and socks, - that's it. - He was holding a small pocket knife, told Pa to give him the money. Pa told him to get out of the store - NOW!!! - Being pretty bright, he told Pa if he didn't give him the money he was gonna "call the cops". - Pa opened the register, gave him a dime, pointed to the wall phone and said "go ahead". - He went over and called the cops, ... end of his Saturday night. - That made the front page of the local paper, ...