Couple of Tonto Quips!

[jonnnyboy]

I normally don't post jokes but I ran into these and being a Tonto fan I thought you might like them! 
joe

The Lone Ranger and Tonto ride in to a small town. They go in a bar for a drink. A man walks in and ask who's white horse that is outside. The Lone Ranger says it's his. The man says the horse is about to die from heat exhaustion. Tonto goes outside to give Silver some water. A little while later the same thing happens again. This time the Lone Ranger gives Silver some water, and tells Tonto to take the horse blanket off Silver, and run around him flapping the blanket, to create a breeze and cool Silver off. A little while later another man comes in to the bar, and again asks who's white horse that is. The Lone Ranger, fearing the worst, since they have done everything to cool him off, says it's his.  He then asks if Silver is dead. The man says "No.....you just left your engine (injun) running!"



Tonto wants coffee
An Indian walks into a cafe with a shotgun in one hand pulling a male buffalo with the other.
He says to the waiter: "Want coffee." The waiter says,"Sure, Chief. Coming right up."

He gets the Indian a tall mug of coffee.
The Indian drinks the coffee down in one gulp, turns and blasts the buffalo with the shotgun, causing parts of the animal to splatter everywhere and then just walks out.

The next morning the Indian returns.
He has his shotgun in one hand, pulling another male buffalo with the other.
He walks up to the counter and says to the waiter

Want coffee." The waiter says "Whoa, Tonto!We're still cleaning up your mess from yesterday. What was all that about, anyway?"

The Indian smiles and proudly says ..

"Training for position of United States politician:
Come in, drink coffee, shoot the bull, leave mess for others to clean up, disappear for rest of day.

[RedFeather]

My personal favorite:

The Lone Ranger and Tonto went camping in the desert.
After they got their tent all set up, both men fell sound asleep.

Some hours later, Tonto wakes the Lone Ranger and
says, "Kemo Sabe, look towards sky, what you see? "

"The Lone Ranger replies, "I see millions of stars."

"What that tell you?" asked Tonto.

The Lone Ranger ponders for a minute then says,
"Astronomically speaking, it tells me there are
millions of galaxies and potentially billions of
planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in
Leo. Time wise, it appears to be approximately a
quarter past three in the morning. Theologically, the
Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant.
Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful
day tomorrow. What's it tell you, Tonto?"

"It tells me, Kemo Sabe, someone stole the tent. "

[jonnnyboy]

That's one of my favorites as well.  I've actually told that one to many of my friends.  Of course, when you get old you forget who you have told what!  LOL

thanks Red
joe