Got jokes? Post 'em here
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Got jokes? Post 'em here
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Author
Topic: Got jokes? Post 'em here (Read 312093 times - 5 votes)
)
Earl
GTA Senior Contributor
Posts: 2882
yes
Real Name: Earl Peyton
Re: Got jokes? Post 'em here
«
Reply #4200 on:
August 09, 2022, 06:17:11 PM »
A state trooper in Kansas made a traffic stop of an elderly lady for speeding on U.S. 166 just East of Sedan, KS.
He asked for her driver's license, registration, and proof of insurance.
The lady took out the required information and handed it to him.
In with the cards, he was somewhat surprised (due to her advanced age) to see she had a concealed carry permit.
He looked at her and asked if she had a weapon in her possession at this time.
She responded that she indeed had a .45 automatic in her glove box.
Something, body language, or the way she said it, made him want to ask if she had any other firearms.
She did admit to also having a 9mm Glock in her center console.
Now he had to ask one more time if that was all. She responded once again that she did have just one more, a .38 special in her purse.
He then asked her "Ma'am, you sure carry a lot of guns. What are you so afraid of?"
She looked him right in the eye and said,
"Not a dam thing!"
Logged
Lexington, KY, USA
Benjamin Marauder .177, Crosman Challenger .177, Umarex Gauntlet .177, Benjamin Discovery .177, Benjamin Maximus .177, Gamo Whisper Fusion .22, Crosman 2100B, Crosman 2300T, Browning Leverage .177, 2-CMP Daisy 853s, Daisy 880, Mrodair CP-1M .177, Mrodair CP2 .177, 10-Beeman P17s, 3-Crosman P1377s, Umarex Fusion .177, GameFace M4A1 airsoft, Crosman Vigilante, Umarex Peacemaker, 5-Bug-A-Salt, plus many others
bnowlin
Plain ole Country Boy and too dang gullible
GTA Senior Contributor
Posts: 2862
Ofcourse I talk to myself I need the expert advice
Real Name: Bob Nowlin
Re: Got jokes? Post 'em here
«
Reply #4201 on:
August 09, 2022, 08:37:27 PM »
Don't forget about the old folks. That was a great one.
Bob
Logged
Leggett, Tx
Air Vetnuri Compressor
Mrod 22 PCP Air ext and shroud ext modded valve
Mrod 25 PCP Modded valve, air ext, and shroud ext. Am I broke yet? What a gun and those Polygon LW barrels Wow.
AIN"T THIS A GREAT PLACE TO BE?
My Papa was a Mrod, I'm a Son of a Gun, but He was not as crazy as I!
avator
GTA Moderator
GTA Senior Contributor
Posts: 50135
The best "Bad Dog" I ever had.
Real Name: Bill
Re: Got jokes? Post 'em here
«
Reply #4202 on:
August 10, 2022, 08:37:24 PM »
Grandma and Grandpa laying in bed........
Grandma: I dreamed I was in China.
Grandpa: I dreamed I was in bed with 3 woman.
Grandma: Oh? Was I one of them?
Grandpa: Nope, you were in China.
Logged
From deep within the Rabbit Hole, Alabama
Charter Member Of The Secret Squirrel Society 20FEB202
Habanero69er
GTA Senior Contributor
Posts: 18952
2A Supporter Striving To Keep America Great! 🇺🇸
Real Name: Dave
Re: Got jokes? Post 'em here
«
Reply #4203 on:
August 10, 2022, 09:02:23 PM »
That’s a good one Bill.
Logged
Ormond by the Sea, Florida, USA 🇺🇸
ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒΕ
Find other GTA members in your area. 🇺🇸
https://www.zeemaps.com/map?group=962067
theLBC
Shooter
Posts: 71
yes
Real Name: John
Re: Got jokes? Post 'em here
«
Reply #4204 on:
August 11, 2022, 12:53:29 PM »
hope not a repeat...stolen from sigtalk...
Logged
USA, CA, Long Beach
Hoosier Daddy
The sound of silence
GTA Moderator
GTA Senior Contributor
Posts: 25076
Attack life... It's gonna kill you anyway.
Real Name: Scott
Re: Got jokes? Post 'em here
«
Reply #4205 on:
August 13, 2022, 09:56:05 AM »
Do you think Hawaiians LOL
or just A Lo Ha ?
Logged
Kendallville, IN
ON THE GTA MAP!
JimQwerty123
always said ...
"Shoot safe and have fun!"
Septicdeath
Gun list
Sharp Shooter
Posts: 737
yes
Real Name: John
Re: Got jokes? Post 'em here
«
Reply #4206 on:
August 22, 2022, 12:43:20 AM »
What's blue and smells likes red paint?
Blue paint.
Logged
Kennewick, WA, USA
God help me!
Way to many to list here.
wolverine
GTA Senior Contributor
Posts: 4126
yes
Real Name: Carl
Re: Got jokes? Post 'em here
«
Reply #4207 on:
August 22, 2022, 10:50:33 AM »
Quote from: Septicdeath on August 22, 2022, 12:43:20 AM
What's blue and smells likes red paint?
Blue paint.
Logged
U.S.A. North Carolina, Oriental
Crosman 2240
Crosman 2260 (lefthanded)-Mountain Air tuned / Hammers 3-9x32
.22 Benjamin NP2 / Centerpoint 3-9x40 AO
.22 Brocock Contour S6 / Discovery VT-2 8x44 SF
.177 Custom Shop 2400KT "Avian Assassin" / UTG 4x32
.177 HW30s Deluxe / Motorhead tuned / Hawke 2-7x32 AO
.22 Daystate Huntsman Regal XL (lefthanded) / Barra FT 3-15x50 SF
.177 HW100 BP-K (lefthanded) / Arken SH4 4-14x44 FFP
.177 Benjamin 397 / Williams peep sight
Daisy Red Ryder (who doesn't own one?)
subscriber
GTA Senior Contributor
Posts: 6805
yes
Re: Got jokes? Post 'em here
«
Reply #4208 on:
August 22, 2022, 08:05:51 PM »
Quote from: Septicdeath on August 22, 2022, 12:43:20 AM
What's blue and smells likes red paint?
Blue paint.
This paint color difference reminds me of something I heard perhaps 50 years ago:
A kid is trying to impress his buddy by showing off their fancy new Ford car. The friend replies: "My father has a car exactly like that, except his is blue and its a Peugeot".
Logged
USA
Sqrl Klr
GTA Senior Contributor
Posts: 8110
Best to have and not need.
Real Name: Gil
Re: Got jokes? Post 'em here
«
Reply #4209 on:
August 23, 2022, 10:01:30 PM »
Speaking of the French one of many common jokes "Smoking like a French battlefield" - a common line whenever smoke is seen.
Logged
TX
My Grim Reaper
Septicdeath
Gun list
Sharp Shooter
Posts: 737
yes
Real Name: John
Re: Got jokes? Post 'em here
«
Reply #4210 on:
August 24, 2022, 01:13:10 AM »
A skeleton walks into a bar. And asks the bartender. " Can I get a beer and a mop "
Logged
Kennewick, WA, USA
God help me!
Way to many to list here.
Steelontarget
Expert
Posts: 1444
yes
Real Name: Mike
Re: Got jokes? Post 'em here
«
Reply #4211 on:
August 24, 2022, 07:10:43 AM »
My ex-wife was bitten by a female rattlesnake. She was in extreme pain for a few days then the snake died.
Logged
Ohio
AirForce Condor SS, AirForce Talon SS, AirForce TalonP, Beeman R1, Beeman R7, Beeman R9, Benjamin 2260, Beretta 92 .177, Crosman Vigilante, Crosman 2300KT, Crosman 2400KT, FWB 300s, RWS Diana K98 .177, Umarex Trevox, Walther PPK, Webley MK VI Pellet Revolver, Weihrauch HW30S Deluxe, Weihrauch HW44 Pistol, Weihrauch HW95 Luxus
Earl
GTA Senior Contributor
Posts: 2882
yes
Real Name: Earl Peyton
Re: Got jokes? Post 'em here
«
Reply #4212 on:
August 24, 2022, 12:00:21 PM »
I’m glad I don’t have to hunt for my food.
I don’t even know where sandwiches live.
Logged
Lexington, KY, USA
Benjamin Marauder .177, Crosman Challenger .177, Umarex Gauntlet .177, Benjamin Discovery .177, Benjamin Maximus .177, Gamo Whisper Fusion .22, Crosman 2100B, Crosman 2300T, Browning Leverage .177, 2-CMP Daisy 853s, Daisy 880, Mrodair CP-1M .177, Mrodair CP2 .177, 10-Beeman P17s, 3-Crosman P1377s, Umarex Fusion .177, GameFace M4A1 airsoft, Crosman Vigilante, Umarex Peacemaker, 5-Bug-A-Salt, plus many others
Septicdeath
Gun list
Sharp Shooter
Posts: 737
yes
Real Name: John
Re: Got jokes? Post 'em here
«
Reply #4213 on:
August 24, 2022, 12:04:10 PM »
I wanted to plant a garden, but couldn't find the bacon seeds.
Logged
Kennewick, WA, USA
God help me!
Way to many to list here.
Privateer
Retired and LOVEING it!
GTA Senior Contributor
Posts: 8617
Air is free until you start compressing it!
Real Name: Jeff
Re: Got jokes? Post 'em here
«
Reply #4214 on:
August 24, 2022, 12:38:44 PM »
Late one afternoon, the Air Force folks out at Area 51 were very surprised to see a Cessna landing at their "secret" base. They immediately impounded the aircraft and hauled the pilot into an interrogation room.
The pilot's story was that he took off from Vegas, got lost, and spotted the Base just as he was about to run out of fuel. The Air Force started a full FBI background check on the pilot and held him overnight during the investigation.
By the next day, they were finally convinced that the pilot really was lost and wasn't a spy. They gassed up his airplane, gave him a terrifying "you-did-not-see-a-base" briefing, complete with threats of spending the rest of his life in prison, told him Vegas was that-a-way on such-and-such a heading, and sent him on his way.
The day after that though, to the total disbelief of the Air Force, the same Cessna showed up again. Once again, the MP's surrounded the plane...only this time there were two people in the plane.
The same pilot jumped out and said, "Do anything you want to me, but my wife is in the plane and you have to tell her where I was last night!"
Logged
Nevada, Ohio
I’ve got opinions but the Wife smacks them outta me.
bnowlin
Plain ole Country Boy and too dang gullible
GTA Senior Contributor
Posts: 2862
Ofcourse I talk to myself I need the expert advice
Real Name: Bob Nowlin
Re: Got jokes? Post 'em here
«
Reply #4215 on:
August 26, 2022, 06:43:12 PM »
The IRS sends their auditor to audit a synagogue.
The auditor is doing all the checks, and then turns to the Rabbi and says, “I noticed that you buy a lot of candles.”
“Yes,” answered the Rabbi.
“Well, Rabbi, what do you do with the candle drippings?” he asked.
“A good question,” noted the Rabbi. “We actually save them up. When we have enough, we send them back to the candle maker and every now and then, they send us a free box of candles.”
“Oh,” replied the auditor, somewhat disappointed that his question actually had a practical answer.
So, he thought he’d try another question, in his obnoxious way. “Rabbi, what
about all these matzo purchases? What do you do with the crumbs from the matzo?
“Ah, yes,” replied the Rabbi calmly, “we actually collect up the crumbs, we send them in a box back to the manufacturer and every now and then, they send a box of matzo balls.”
“Oh,” replied the auditor, thinking hard how to fluster the Rabbi. “Well, Rabbi,” he went on, “what do you do with all the foreskins from the circumcisions?”
“Yes, here too, we do not waste,” answered the Rabbi.
“What we do is save up all the foreskins, and when we have enough, we actually send them to the IRS.”
“To the IRS ?” questioned the auditor in disbelief.
“Ah, yes,” replied the Rabbi, “directly to The IRS …And, about once a year, they send us a little ^#(*% like you.”
Logged
Leggett, Tx
Air Vetnuri Compressor
Mrod 22 PCP Air ext and shroud ext modded valve
Mrod 25 PCP Modded valve, air ext, and shroud ext. Am I broke yet? What a gun and those Polygon LW barrels Wow.
AIN"T THIS A GREAT PLACE TO BE?
My Papa was a Mrod, I'm a Son of a Gun, but He was not as crazy as I!
customcutter
GTA Senior Contributor
Posts: 2531
yes
Real Name: Ken
Re: Got jokes? Post 'em here
«
Reply #4216 on:
August 26, 2022, 07:06:43 PM »
That one made me LOL Bob! Good one!
Logged
Valrico, Fl
avator
GTA Moderator
GTA Senior Contributor
Posts: 50135
The best "Bad Dog" I ever had.
Real Name: Bill
Re: Got jokes? Post 'em here
«
Reply #4217 on:
August 26, 2022, 08:56:55 PM »
LOL... yep, good one indeed.
Logged
From deep within the Rabbit Hole, Alabama
Charter Member Of The Secret Squirrel Society 20FEB202
Hoosier Daddy
The sound of silence
GTA Moderator
GTA Senior Contributor
Posts: 25076
Attack life... It's gonna kill you anyway.
Real Name: Scott
Re: Got jokes? Post 'em here
«
Reply #4218 on:
August 26, 2022, 09:49:50 PM »
I love "Little Johnny" jokes and I read this one in Readers Digest that is actually "family friendly" for a change...
Little Johnny's Mother decided he should attend Church.
Johnny was so taken with the holy spirit that when they came home, Johnny clasped the bible and began preaching the word to the family cat.
Mother was thrilled.
After a few hours of relentless sermons there was silence.
Mom decided to check... and found Johnny holding the cat in a bucket of water!
"JOHNNY WHAT ARE YOU DOING!" exclaimed the Mom.
Johnny replied, "I am baptizing him"
Mother exclaimed "But cats don't like the water!"
Johnny replied "Well then, he shouldn't have joined my church!"
Logged
Kendallville, IN
ON THE GTA MAP!
JimQwerty123
always said ...
"Shoot safe and have fun!"
Hoosier Daddy
The sound of silence
GTA Moderator
GTA Senior Contributor
Posts: 25076
Attack life... It's gonna kill you anyway.
Real Name: Scott
Re: Got jokes? Post 'em here
«
Reply #4219 on:
August 26, 2022, 10:00:06 PM »
Knock Knock...
Who's there.
Interrupting Cow
Interrupt... MOOO!
«
Last Edit: August 26, 2022, 10:02:46 PM by Hoosier Daddy
»
Logged
Kendallville, IN
ON THE GTA MAP!
JimQwerty123
always said ...
"Shoot safe and have fun!"
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Got jokes? Post 'em here