Got jokes? Post 'em here
Select Gate
READ GTA FORUM RULES BEFORE POSTING
GTA Forum Help Desk
GTA Announcement Gate
Dealer Area
GRIP
AirgunWeb Airgun Videos
Airgun Repository of Knowledge
Vendors and Vendor Videos
AirGun Expo 2021
Airgun Expo 2022
Contests and Giveaways!!!
Welcome New Members
In Memoriam
GTA Contributing Members
Shot Show Videos
Hajimoto Productions
Airgun Detectives
Air Gun Gate
BB Guns and Such
"Bob and Lloyds Workshop"
American/U.S. Air Gun Gates
European/Asian Air Gun Gates
PCP/CO2/HPA Air Gun Gates "The Darkside"
Air Archery
Vintage Air Gun Gate
Air Guns And Related Accessories Review Gates
Hunting Gate
Machine Shop Talk & AG Parts Machining
3D printing and files
Buyer's, Seller's & Trader's Comments
Bargain Gate
Back Room
Target Shooting Discussion Gate
Target Match Rules
Shooting Match Gates
Field Target Gates
The Long Range Club
100 Yard Match
Discussions By States
Welcome,
Guest
. Please
login
or
register
.
Did you miss your
activation email
?
1 Hour
1 Day
1 Week
1 Month
Forever
Login with username, password and session length
Home
About
Help
Old GTA
Gallery
Search
Stats
Login
Register
Advertise Here
GTA
»
All Springer/NP/PCP Air Gun Discussion General
»
Back Room
(Moderators:
ezman604
,
amb5500c
) »
Got jokes? Post 'em here
« previous
next »
Print
Pages:
1
...
6
7
[
8
]
9
10
...
255
Go Down
Share This!
Author
Topic: Got jokes? Post 'em here (Read 312530 times - 5 votes)
)
wimpanzee
Expert
Posts: 1896
yes
Re: Got jokes? Post 'em here
«
Reply #140 on:
August 04, 2016, 02:45:25 PM »
Dr. Frankenstein entered a bodybuilding contest, only to discover he had grossly misinterpreted the rules.
Logged
Kansas City, MO
PP700S-A .22
truglo 2x42 dot
HW95 .22 (pg2)
UTG Compact 3-12x44
Sig Sauer ASP20 .22
Athlon Talos SFP 6-24x50
Benjamin Synrod .22
Vortex Diamondback 4-12x40
Taipan Mutant .22
Athlon Talos FFP 4-14x44
FX Dreamline Tact .25
Athlon Talos FFP 4-14x44
Winchester 70 .45
Athlon Talos SFP 4-16x40
SamYang 909s .45
opens sights and airrows
BTair
Plinker
Posts: 143
yes
Real Name: Brad
Re: Got jokes? Post 'em here
«
Reply #141 on:
August 05, 2016, 03:47:06 PM »
An elderly couple were having dinner at another couple's house and after their meal, the wives left the table to go to the kitchen.
The two elderly gents were talking, and one says: "Last night we went out to a fabulous new restaurant. I'd highly recommend it."
The other man says: "What's the name of the restaurant?"
The first man thinks long and hard with a furrowed brow, finally saying: "Ah, what is the name of that red flower you give to someone you love?"
His friend replies: "A carnation?"
"No, no. The other one," the man says. His friend suggest "The poppy?"
"No, no, no" growls the man. "You know - the one that is red and has thorns."
His friend says: "Do you mean a rose?"
"Yes! Thank you!" the first man says. He then turns toward the kitchen and yells: "Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?"
Logged
Chester Springs, PA
Wildcatter
Expert
Posts: 1910
yes
Real Name: John
Re: Got jokes? Post 'em here
«
Reply #142 on:
August 05, 2016, 04:13:23 PM »
What do you call a dog with no legs? Anything you want, he still won't come to you.
What do you DO with a dog with no legs? Take him for a drag.
Welcome to the mind of a 4 year old.
Logged
simi valley,california
.30 Hatsan BT65 Carnivore/BWalton Tune "Elvira"/MTC Genisis 5 x 20 x 50
.25 Airforce Talon/UTG Bugbuster 3x9x32
.22 FX Wildcat/BWalton LDC/MTC UL 3x12x40
.22 Marauder Pistol/UTG Bug Buster 3x9x32
.22 Benjamin 392 Pumper/UTG 4 x 32
.22 RWS 350 Magnum/No site
.22 Beeman QB78/Tasco 3 x 9 x 32
.22 Sheridan MB2260/Tasco 3 x 9 x 32
.22 Custom Crosman 1322/Barska 3x9x42
.20 Sheridan C9A/Peep Sight
.177 BSA Buccaneer SE/ATN 3x12 Nite Site
.177 Gamo Bone Collector/Barska 3 x 9 x 44
.177 Benjamin Trail NP
Hoosier Daddy
The sound of silence
GTA Moderator
GTA Senior Contributor
Posts: 25107
Attack life... It's gonna kill you anyway.
Real Name: Scott
Re: Got jokes? Post 'em here
«
Reply #143 on:
August 05, 2016, 04:29:21 PM »
And as a follow up... my Grand-Daughters favorite joke when she was 7 or 8...
"Why did Sally fall off the swing?
- I don't know, why did she?
"Because she didn't have any arms."
"Didn't like that one, OK here is another."
"Knock-knock"
- who's there
"Sure as heck ain't Sally!"
Logged
Kendallville, IN
ON THE GTA MAP!
JimQwerty123
always said ...
"Shoot safe and have fun!"
ztirffritz
Marksman
Posts: 493
yes
Real Name: Frank
Re: Got jokes? Post 'em here
«
Reply #144 on:
August 05, 2016, 07:41:37 PM »
A man walks into a bar, and sits down on a barstool, placing a small brown bag on the counter next to him. He signals to the bartender and then proceeds to down 3 shots of scotch.
The bartender, being no fool asks, “Hey man what’s wrong?”
Without replying the man slowly reaches over and grabs the brown bag. Opening it, he pulls out a tiny piano. To the bartender’s surprise he reaches back in and pulls out a tiny man, who couldn’t be standing more than a foot tall, dressed in a full tuxedo. The tiny man walks up to the piano, pulls out the piano bench and carefully sits down. He then continues to play some of the most beautiful soothing music the bartender has ever heard.
“Where on earth did you get this little man?!”
“Oh I have a genie.”
The bartender can barely contain his excitement, “You do? Can I see it?”
“Of course, of course,” says the man pulling out an ornately decorated lamp.
The bartender takes the lamp and rubs it and out pops a genie.
“You have summoned me. What is your one wish sir?”
“I want a million bucks!” The bartender shouts.
Immediately the room begins to fill up with ducks. Feathers are flying everywhere, the other patrons begin screaming and running for the doors.
As the ducks continue to appear out of thin air, the bartender looks frantically at the man with the brown bag who has a sly smile on his face.
“WHAT HAPPENED!? I DIDN’T ASK FOR THESE DUCKS!!”
“Well do you think I asked for a 12 inch pianist?”
Logged
Yakima WA
*****************************************************
Good is the enemy of Excellent. Talent is not necessary for Excellence.
Persistence is necessary for Excellence. And Persistence is a Decision.
*****************************************************
.357 Bulldog
.25 Gen2 Marauder
.22 Marauder Pistol
.22 Maximus
.177 Umarex Beretta PX-4 Storm Pistol
.177 Umarex NXG APX
https://www.zeemaps.com/map?group=962067#
Privateer
Retired and LOVEING it!
GTA Senior Contributor
Posts: 8619
Air is free until you start compressing it!
Real Name: Jeff
Re: Got jokes? Post 'em here
«
Reply #145 on:
August 09, 2016, 10:53:35 PM »
John invited his mother over for dinner one evening.
During the meal, she couldn’t help but notice how attractive his roommate Judy was. She had been suspicious of a relationship between her son and his roommate for quite some time, but this only made her more curious.
She watched the two of them interact over the course of the evening and began to wonder whether there was more between John and Judy than met the eye.
Realizing only too well what his mother was thinking, John said, "I can see your wheels turning Mom and I know what you’re thinking. Rest assured Judy and I are strictly roommates."
A few days later, Judy went to John and said, "You know the beautiful silver gravy ladle? Well, ever since your mother came to dinner I can’t seem to find it. You don’t think she would have taken it, do you?"
"I doubt it, but I’ll write her a letter just to be sure," replied John.
John then sat down and wrote his mother the following letter:
"Dear Mom,
While I’m not saying you 'did' take a gravy ladle from my house, and I’m not saying you 'didn’t' take a gravy ladle, the fact remains that ever since you were here for dinner one has been missing.
Love, Your son."
Several days later, John received a reply from his mother which read:
"Dear John,
While I am not saying you 'do' sleep with Judy, and I’m not saying you 'don’t' sleep with her, the fact remains that she would have found the gravy ladle by now if she were sleeping in her own bed.
Love, Mom."
Logged
Nevada, Ohio
I’ve got opinions but the Wife smacks them outta me.
Bicycleman
Just another
GTA Senior Contributor
Posts: 11055
Real Name: Mike
Re: Got jokes? Post 'em here
«
Reply #146 on:
August 10, 2016, 01:01:13 PM »
A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first LSU football game. They had great seats right behind their team's bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked it.
"Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, butI just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents."Dumbfounded, her boyfriend asked, "What do you mean?""Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was...'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!'I'm like...Helloooooo?It's only 25 cents!!!!"
Logged
USA - Tennessee -- Murfreesboro
Murfreesboro, Tennessee - Was Louisiana
If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die, I want to go where they went. Will Rogers.
laissez le bon temps rouler [Let the good times roll]
Abbreviations / Acronyms --->
http://www.gatewaytoairguns.org/GTA/index.php?topic=51866.0;topicseen
Wildcatter
Expert
Posts: 1910
yes
Real Name: John
Re: Got jokes? Post 'em here
«
Reply #147 on:
August 11, 2016, 06:07:42 PM »
What's the hardest part of a vegetable to eat?
The wheelchair.
Logged
simi valley,california
.30 Hatsan BT65 Carnivore/BWalton Tune "Elvira"/MTC Genisis 5 x 20 x 50
.25 Airforce Talon/UTG Bugbuster 3x9x32
.22 FX Wildcat/BWalton LDC/MTC UL 3x12x40
.22 Marauder Pistol/UTG Bug Buster 3x9x32
.22 Benjamin 392 Pumper/UTG 4 x 32
.22 RWS 350 Magnum/No site
.22 Beeman QB78/Tasco 3 x 9 x 32
.22 Sheridan MB2260/Tasco 3 x 9 x 32
.22 Custom Crosman 1322/Barska 3x9x42
.20 Sheridan C9A/Peep Sight
.177 BSA Buccaneer SE/ATN 3x12 Nite Site
.177 Gamo Bone Collector/Barska 3 x 9 x 44
.177 Benjamin Trail NP
Hoosier Daddy
The sound of silence
GTA Moderator
GTA Senior Contributor
Posts: 25107
Attack life... It's gonna kill you anyway.
Real Name: Scott
Re: Got jokes? Post 'em here
«
Reply #148 on:
August 11, 2016, 07:07:23 PM »
Guy comes home from work to find his wife packing a suitecase.
"Baby! What are you doing?" He says.
She replies "I'M LEAVING!"
"But Baby ....why?" He asks.
She says"Because I heard you're a PEDIFILE!"
Man says "Oooooh, big word for a 12 year old!"
Logged
Kendallville, IN
ON THE GTA MAP!
JimQwerty123
always said ...
"Shoot safe and have fun!"
Hoosier Daddy
The sound of silence
GTA Moderator
GTA Senior Contributor
Posts: 25107
Attack life... It's gonna kill you anyway.
Real Name: Scott
Re: Got jokes? Post 'em here
«
Reply #149 on:
August 11, 2016, 07:19:08 PM »
Too riscky... Hows about this?
Guy comes home from work to find his wife packing a suitecase.
"Baby! What are you doing?" He says.
She replies "I'M LEAVING! ...GOING TO VEGAS!"
"But Baby ....why?" He asks.
She says"Because I heard you can get $100 for a BJ there."
Man pulls out a suitecase and starts packing.
"What are you doing?" The Wife asks.
Man says "I'm going to Vegas... I wanna see you live on $200 a YEAR!"
Logged
Kendallville, IN
ON THE GTA MAP!
JimQwerty123
always said ...
"Shoot safe and have fun!"
BushWacker
Guns & Cameras, Let's Shoot!
Plinker
Posts: 238
Real Name: Larry
Re: Got jokes? Post 'em here
«
Reply #150 on:
August 11, 2016, 07:28:52 PM »
What do you call a man with no arms or legs in a hot tub? = Bob
What do you call a man with no arms or legs on your door step? = Matt
What do you call several men with no arms or legs in a hot tub? = Stew
What do you call a man with no arms or legs on your wall? = Art
What do you call a man with no arms or legs on water skis? = Skip
What do you call a man with no arms or legs under a pile of leaves? = Russell
What do you call a cow with no arms or legs? = Ground Beef
What do you call a cow with 2 legs shorter than the other 2? = Lean Beef
What do you call a woman with 1 leg shorter than the other? = Eileen
What do you call an Asian woman with 1 leg shorter than the other? = Eireen
Logged
Lake Tahoe, USA
Patience is for fishing, I wanna shoot somethin'
oldnamvet
Expert
Posts: 1369
In God we trust, everyone else we monitor
Real Name: Tom
Re: Got jokes? Post 'em here
«
Reply #151 on:
August 11, 2016, 11:12:49 PM »
A blonde woman goes ice fishing. She has all her equipment and gets ready to cut into the ice. Suddenly a voice says "there are no fish under the ice". So she moves aways and decides to try there. Again the voice "there are no fish under the ice". So she moves again. Again the voice telling her there are no fish under the ice. So she says "is that you Lord telling me there are no fish?" "no" comes the voice again, "I'm the manager of the hockey rink".
Logged
Midland, Michigan
GumpIsrael
Eye Sea Yoo
Expert
Posts: 1569
yes
Real Name: Austin
Re: Got jokes? Post 'em here
«
Reply #152 on:
August 12, 2016, 08:46:11 PM »
I love this thread.
It just goes to show I know waayyy too many dirty jokes and not nearly enough clean ones.
Logged
Austin, Texas
"He who is tired of Weird Al is tired of life."
Mine
Benjamin 312
Hatsan 135 Carnivore QE .30
Daisy Model 99
Daisy Model 99
Stoeger X10
John's
Benjamin 252
Daisy Buck
Daisy Red Ryder
Crosman 2100
Kendra’s
1962 Sheridan Bluestreak
GumpIsrael
Eye Sea Yoo
Expert
Posts: 1569
yes
Real Name: Austin
Re: Got jokes? Post 'em here
«
Reply #153 on:
August 13, 2016, 01:13:35 PM »
What is black and is stuck to a ceiling?
An electrician who ain't very good.
«
Last Edit: August 13, 2016, 01:17:59 PM by GumpIsrael
»
Logged
Austin, Texas
"He who is tired of Weird Al is tired of life."
Mine
Benjamin 312
Hatsan 135 Carnivore QE .30
Daisy Model 99
Daisy Model 99
Stoeger X10
John's
Benjamin 252
Daisy Buck
Daisy Red Ryder
Crosman 2100
Kendra’s
1962 Sheridan Bluestreak
Tater
GTA Moderator
GTA Senior Contributor
Posts: 13440
Insert creative saying here
Real Name: Jerry
Re: Got jokes? Post 'em here
«
Reply #154 on:
August 15, 2016, 04:55:36 PM »
A very cranky old woman was arrested for shoplifting at a grocery store.
She gave everyone a hard time, from the store manager to the security guard to the arresting officer who took her away, complaining and criticizing throughout the process.
When she appeared before the judge, the judge asked what she had stolen from the store.
The lady defiantly replied, "Just a stupid can of peaches."
The judge then asked why she had done it. She replied, "I was hungry and forgot to bring any cash to the store."
The judge asked how many peaches were in the can. She replied, "Nine, but what do you care about that?"
The judge patiently said, "Well, ma'am, because I'm going to give you nine days in jail -- one day for each peach."
As the judge was about to drop his gavel, the lady's long suffering husband raised his hand and asked if he might speak.
The judge said, "Yes, what do you have to add?"
The husband said, "Your Honor, she also stole a can of peas."
Logged
Hammerli Pneuma Elite 10 .177, DonnyFL Sumo ldc - For sale
.22 Disco/Maximus mix, Rocker1 ldc
Gamo Hornet .177
1377, steel breech, TKO, 12" barrel, R. Arms Innovations AR stock
2240
JamesB
Plinker
Posts: 102
yes
Real Name: James
Re: Got jokes? Post 'em here
«
Reply #155 on:
August 16, 2016, 09:30:47 AM »
A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected: a half-gallon of 2% milk, a carton of eggs, a quart of orange juice, a head of romaine lettuce, a 2 lb. can of coffee,and a 1 lb. package of bacon.
As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of the cashier.
While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly stated, "You must be single."
The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since she was indeed single. She looked at her six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about her selections that could have tipped off the drunk to her marital status.
Curiosity getting the better of her, she said, "Well, you know what, you're absolutely correct. But how on earth did you know that?"
The drunk replied, "Cause you're ugly."
Logged
Philadelphia Suburbs
"When I set my targets out too far I get frustrated at not accurately hitting them so I move them in a bit closer. Small successes are much better than large failures." - avator
Crosman 1377 / BSA Red Dot Sight
Benjamin Phoenix NP2 .22 / UTG 4-16x44 SWAT AO
Crosman Fire NP .177 / Centerpoint 3-9x32
Daisy 880 .177 / Winchester 2-7x32 AO
Umarex Origin .22
Hatsan Jet 1 .22
Joekrooz
The East End
Expert
Posts: 1132
Cleverly disguised as an adult
Real Name: Joe K
Re: Got jokes? Post 'em here
«
Reply #156 on:
August 16, 2016, 01:39:23 PM »
Ha, ha, ha, ha,ha!!!!!
Logged
Long Island, New York
Hoosier Daddy
The sound of silence
GTA Moderator
GTA Senior Contributor
Posts: 25107
Attack life... It's gonna kill you anyway.
Real Name: Scott
Re: Got jokes? Post 'em here
«
Reply #157 on:
August 16, 2016, 01:46:26 PM »
Quote
"Cause you're ugly."
I literally LOL'ed at my desk here at work on that one.
Now they they know I'm not "working".
Logged
Kendallville, IN
ON THE GTA MAP!
JimQwerty123
always said ...
"Shoot safe and have fun!"
Wildcatter
Expert
Posts: 1910
yes
Real Name: John
Re: Got jokes? Post 'em here
«
Reply #158 on:
August 16, 2016, 02:45:04 PM »
+1
Logged
simi valley,california
.30 Hatsan BT65 Carnivore/BWalton Tune "Elvira"/MTC Genisis 5 x 20 x 50
.25 Airforce Talon/UTG Bugbuster 3x9x32
.22 FX Wildcat/BWalton LDC/MTC UL 3x12x40
.22 Marauder Pistol/UTG Bug Buster 3x9x32
.22 Benjamin 392 Pumper/UTG 4 x 32
.22 RWS 350 Magnum/No site
.22 Beeman QB78/Tasco 3 x 9 x 32
.22 Sheridan MB2260/Tasco 3 x 9 x 32
.22 Custom Crosman 1322/Barska 3x9x42
.20 Sheridan C9A/Peep Sight
.177 BSA Buccaneer SE/ATN 3x12 Nite Site
.177 Gamo Bone Collector/Barska 3 x 9 x 44
.177 Benjamin Trail NP
oldnamvet
Expert
Posts: 1369
In God we trust, everyone else we monitor
Real Name: Tom
Re: Got jokes? Post 'em here
«
Reply #159 on:
August 25, 2016, 10:34:49 AM »
Not exactly a joke but still humor.
A penny saved is a government oversight.
The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat have gotten to be really good friends.
The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
He who hesitates is probably right.
Did you ever notice: The Roman Numerals for forty (40) are XL.
The sole purpose of a child's middle name is so he can tell when he's really in trouble.
Did you ever notice: When you put the 2 words 'The' and 'IRS' together it spells 'Theirs!'
Aging: Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.
When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to your youth, think of Algebra.
One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it is such a nice change from being young. Ah, being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.
Lord, keep your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth.
A Blessing
{ 1 } Once upon a time, all the villagers decided to pray for rain. On the day of prayer all the people gathered but only one small boy came with an umbrella.
That's FAITH
-----------------
{ 2 } WHEN You throw a baby in the air, they laugh because they know you will catch them.
That's TRUST
------------------
{ 3 } Almost every night we go to bed, without any assurance of being alive the next morning, but still we set the alarms to wake up.
That's HOPE
-----------------
{ 4 } We Plan big things for tomorrow in spite of absolutely no knowledge of the future.
That's CONFIDENCE
-------------------
{ 5 } We see the world suffering and in turmoil, but still we get married.
That's LOVE
--------------------
{6} On an old woman's shirt was written a cute sentence - 'I Am Not 80 Years Old..,I Am Sweet 16 with 64 Years' Experience.'
That's ATTITUDE
---------------------------
Logged
Midland, Michigan
Print
Pages:
1
...
6
7
[
8
]
9
10
...
255
Go Up
« previous
next »
GTA
»
All Springer/NP/PCP Air Gun Discussion General
»
Back Room
(Moderators:
ezman604
,
amb5500c
) »
Got jokes? Post 'em here